THE BEST:

(1) Norma Jeane Mortenson to Marilyn Monroe

Where would we be without our beloved Marilyn Monroe? Norma Jeane sounds more like she’d be serving us coffee than playing sultry Hollywood leads and becoming the world’s biggest sex symbol.

(2) Prince to

Prince’s crafty 1993 name change to the ‘love symbol’ in order to escape record company tyrannywas a stroke of genius. OK, so it’s unpronounceable, but it’s hard not to cheer him on for out-smarting the big dogs at Warner Bros.

(3) Orpah to Oprah

If she hadn’t given her name that all-important little tweak, Oprah just might not have changed the face of television and become the unassailable queen of the American talk show. ‘Orpah’ sounds more like a brand of foot cream

WORST:

(1) Katie Holmes to Kate Holmes

Tom Cruise insisted on this name change for his ex-wife because “Katie is a young girl’s name. Her name is Kate now – she’s a child-bearing woman”. It looks like someone didn’t get the memo (the momentous, world-changing feminism memo). Fortunately this one didn’t catch on. She’s always Katie to us.

(2) Ol’ Dirty Bastard to Big Baby Jesus

A founding member of Wu-Tang Clan, the rapper born Russel Tyrone Jones has had more aliases than anyone else on this list, but the progression from Ol’ Dirty bastard to Big Baby Jesus is the most befuddling and arbitrary one that he underwent. Was it insane genius? A lengthy criminal record suggests maybe not.

(3) Thomas Cruise Mapother IV to Tom Cruise

Scientology strikes again! There’s something bizarrely regal about Tom Cruise’s original name that just fits better with his status as a Scientologist megastar. All hail Mapother the IV and Christian Science (if you’ve got the cash and the magic password).

Words: Mark Izatt

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