Dear niina,
I was asked to write a letter to my younger self but at this moment I’m at a point of change in my life, I don’t have life figured out and I’m not sure that anyone ever does. I’ve been trying to write this letter for weeks but haven’t been sure what to write, therefore I thought I’d start by looking to you, my younger self, as someone that knows me better than anyone else.
I’ve been looking over the notes you’ve left me over the years and I just want to say you’re pretty chaotic and often problematic but you are wonderful. I appreciate you and every thought that you have, even the stupid mundane ones that make no sense, keep them coming.
You’ve been leaving me iPhone notes over the past 7 years and they’ve helped me to think about what I can say to you at this point in time, so here goes…
1.
There will be a lot of ups and downs and so much life will happen for you. Life will be quite challenging most of the time and you won’t ever reach a point where things just become easy, if you do then it’s probably time for change. These points of change will creep up on you out of nowhere, you’ll try to ignore the signs at first but eventually it will evolve into a full scale diva breakdown and that’s ok – it happens to the best of us. Nothing will ever happen the way you expect it to and I can tell you for sure, you’ll never feel like you ‘make it’. Ever. Nobody does. You’ll make lots of mistakes but you’ll also have lots of wins. Here are 7 bullet points to help you cover the next 7 years, I hope they’re of use:
You’re probably doing the right thing if you’re being honest and tackling things head on, this is impossible to do perfectly and you’ll make mistakes along the way. Pain is inevitable. The most important things in life are often the hardest to put into practice but the easiest to write as a clever thoughtful one liner into your phone notes when you’re drifting off to sleep.
2
Self worth is everything and it’s up to you alone to decide the parameters of this. Do NOT let other people, the music industry or society define this for you. (Referring back to point one, this is easier said than done)
3
Surround yourself with people who celebrate your value but also make sure you celebrate their value. You get back what you give, I know it’s romantic to be a lonely tortured artist, but it’s time to grow up. You can’t demand to be seen without seeing others.
4
Art makes the world a better place and that’s a fact. If people don’t agree with this, it’s not your duty to persuade them otherwise. (Refer back to point 2, do not put your self worth in their hands)
5
Heartbreak is glorious, but only at the stage when you can look back and laugh about it. I think that it’s famously good for creative output because the process teaches you so much about yourself and your own emotions. You’ve got a lot of that to come in the next 7 years, it’s going to be terrible but In the words of Kelly Clarkson, ‘what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.’
6
Hype is a social construct, it’s got nothing to do with you. It’ll come and go but at the end of the day you’re on your own mission and you love music and what it brings to your life, you probably wouldn’t survive without it. However, if you’re reading this then perhaps trademark the brand ‘Tik Tok’.
7
You’re a sensitive soul and finding the funny side of things really helps you to stop taking life too seriously. You’ll be walking down the street in tears with your hand over your face at some point in the near future and you’ll walk full pelt into a lamp post. Let that be a reminder of this point.
I hope this is of help. You and I like to live in the dream that one day we’ll have no problems and life will be complete but I think this will never be the case. We’ll continue to grow and experience and feel and that is the beauty of it all.
Life is very up and down and it’s all very confusing but what a privilege to get to experience and live a life as a creative. Never stop creating, you and your work in this world are so relevant and so important even if it doesn’t feel like it sometimes.
Try not to be too hard on yourself, take a long walk when it all gets too much.
Lots of love
niina x
Take a look at some of her notes to herself throughout the years…
