We know nothing, Jon Snow! Ahead of the final season of Game of Thrones, the Wonderland team plays the guessing game.

Jon Snow in Game of Thrones predictions
Jon Snow in Game of Thrones predictions

After what has felt like an eternity of waiting and guessing and rewatching and debating, this weekend, we will finally be put out of our misery, because winter is here with the final season of Game of Thrones.

When the HBO show last graced our screens, Cersei had pretty much fully cemented her position as the MPG (Mad Pregnant Queen) to the obvious fear and discomfort of her brother Jamie; Jon and Dany made the love in the boat boudoir *clutches pearls*; and the first snowflake arrived at King’s Landing (marking party season for the White Walkers, who are making their way south accompanied by their crusty ice-dragon of the undead).

In what will no doubt be the television event of the year, with a ridiculous soundtrack, and featuring a battle scene that took a staggering 55 days to film, the return of GOT has Wonderland staff rabid with excitement.

From team members who are Maester-level knowledgeable, to others who wouldn’t know a Red Wedding if it locked the doors and sad fiddle starting playing and archers popped up from behind the banquet table and – you get my point – here are our final season predictions…

Dany and Jon in Game of Thrones predictions
Dany and Jon in Game of Thrones predictions

Dedication level: Rickon Stark (try my hardest but ultimately I know I should’ve run in a zig-zag).
Prediction: I’m desperately trying not to get attached to any of the theories out there, but in the back of my mind I can’t help but think that the White Walkers will just obliterate everything and everyone that I love (mainly Brienne of Tarth). Plus, there’ll be lots of sex.

Dedication level: I have never watched it but I did bump into Maisie Williams having a great time at a drum and bass night once.
Prediction: It will end, finally.

Dedication level: Maester Lewin
Prediction: Tyrion, still reeling from the revelation that his ultimate long-game chirpse has been whisked away by a man with a bad northern accent, will coalesce with Cersei in a plan to murder Jon Snow. This will be somewhat justified by a rash/unwise decision by Jon Snow that will put Dany’s life/rule in peril, though ultimately Tyrion will be framed as a traitor. Ned Stark will return to save one of his children (Varys swapped him out for a faceless man who was beheaded right after uttering ‘valar morghulis’), but Arya will be killed by the Night King. Speaking of, the Night King will fight a dragon manned by Bran, who is the ‘third head’ of the prophetic three-headed dragon, and also Bran The Builder, the guy from the past who was responsible for building the wall. Jamie will strangle Cersei, and the White Walkers will ultimately win (a cunning allegory for the perils of human politicking getting in the way of true issues, ie. nature.)

Dedication level: I watch it, but there are just so many names…
Prediction: Well, my theory is that, first and foremost, the dragons are all going to die 100%. Bran Stark is the Night King. That bastard who was in Skins that one time will kill Jon Snow. The two other Lannisters will join forces and kill that Cersei. Maisie kills her ginger sister.

Dedication level: I remember back when Bran was naive and happy.
Prediction: Obsidian-bomb dropping dragons, incest-ridden suicides and a shit load of face-swapping.

More predictions below…

Bran Stark in Game of Thrones predictions
Bran Stark in Game of Thrones predictions

Dedication level: I’ve cancelled actual plans with real human beings so I can be on the sofa surrounded by snacks and a stress-ball for the return of the show. Also, no one talk to me on Monday evenings until 19 May. And even then I’ll need some time (minimum of three months) to mourn the end of the show, as well as get over the trauma of the several butcherings that the evil GOT producers no doubt have in store for us. THE NIGHT IS DARK AND FULL OF TERRORS.
Prediction: If there’s anything that’s been doing the rounds in my head since the last season, it’s the echo of Cersei saying to a very uncomfortable Jamie in the final episode: “If anything goes wrong, kill the silver-haired bitch first, then our brother, then the bastard who calls himself king.” It’s going to go off! Cersei will die, no doubt. Will Jamie be the one to do it? Probably. Will he then die? Definitely. Hotel? Trivago.

Dedication level: Absolute zero.
Prediction: Sex, death, and a bit of incest.

Dedication level: I binge-watched the whole thing in the two months before so I could be up to scratch (and stop pestering people in the office for spoilers). I am ready.
Prediction: Jamie/Kingslayer is my love. I am begging the Game of Thrones gods with every morsel of my being that he trots his way to the end of the final season without so much as a scratch on his pretty little head. Wouldn’t that be swell?

Dedication level: Like Season 2/3 Jon Snow, I try, but ultimately know nothing.
Prediction: Can’t see this series ending well for Cersei (possibly at the hands of her twin brother?) and I reckon there’ll definitely be the death of a much loved character (odds on Sam and/or Grey Worm) because George R. R. Martin likes to watch the world burn. Still convinced that the Night King is the evil White Walker incarnation of someone we’ve already met but fuck knows who that could be, and I still have no idea who/what Azor Ahai and The Prince Who Was Promised are. TLDR: NO IDEA – but I think we can definitely expect tears. Lots and lots of tears.

Maybelle Morgan

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