Wonderland.

PROFILE: NERVO

Tea Hacic-Vlahovic grills NERVO, the top paid female DJs in the world, on 2014’s worst trends, positive thinking and their plans for the 2015.

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New York is depressing in the winter, especially if this winter you’ve found yourself without a reason to be there, like a job. I sub-let my apartment and skipped town, because I’d rather spend ten hours a day sending resumes in a warm place like Miami, where people go to die.

I’m kidding, some people come to Miami to party. NERVO played Fontainebleau for New Year’s Eve and I got to interview them. I’ve just gotten around to writing it up because I’ve been really busy fulfilling my new year’s resolution to eat as a shipwreck survivor stranded on an island. It’s going well, thanks for asking. *Googles scurvy symptoms*

Miriam and Olivia Nervo are the top paid female DJ’s in the world. They began as songwriters, having remixed and written some of your favorite pop sensations, like Kelly Rowland’s “When Love Takes Over.” The universe wasn’t satisfied just making the NERVO girls insanely successful and talented. For that reason, they’re also charming, funny, beautiful, spectacular dancers. They’re either twin sisters or too hot to tell apart. That’s up to you to decide.

This is the latest call time I’ve ever had: 23:30. I meet NERVO at a sushi restaurant in Fontainebleau, where they’re prepping for their set with espresso martinis. When I drink before work, I’m considered an alcoholic but when Dj’s do, it’s sensible. Maybe I should send my resume to clubs instead of Conde Nast.

Looking to 2015, lets disuss the trends best kept in 2014. Are y’all familiar with #thotgoth?

Oli: No, tell me more!

It’s too complex to explain in one night. What did y’all think about #normcore?

Oli: We travel all over the world but we live under a symbolic rock. We don’t really get to latch onto any particular trend. We don’t really have any style, we just do what feels good for us. We’d love to follow what’s going on, but…

Mir: It’s too much headache!

Oli: It’s just unnatural for us.

So what were your personal fashion observations from 2014?

Mir: Women with tattooed, shaved heads.

Oli: Pizza tattoos! Food made a comeback.

Mir: Nicki and Kim cemented the booty this year.

What did you think of the Anaconda video?

Oli: Oh, we had it on repeat!

Have you seen the fart version?

Mir: It’s a dream come true!

If you had to create your own trend mash up for 2015, what would it be?

Mir: Wasted but tasted?

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What are your highlights from 2014?

Oli: I loved new york fashion week! We had a stylist and wore stuff we normally wouldn’t, like girly dresses. That, and when Revolution went #1.

Mir: Burning man was incredible.

I was almost pressured into going to Burning Man by my boyfriend last year but luckily he realized I’d have to leave him if he ever made me do that. How did you stay fresh there?

Oli: Baby wipes!

I heard there are period tents where menstruating women have to hide out.

Oli: Thankfully, I never got my period when I went.

Mir: It wouldn’t be the end of the world.

Speak for yourself. Let’s say I had a shit year, what tips would you give me to make the next one great?

Mir: The key to everything is positivity. Train yourself to think positively!

Kind of like when I laugh to hide my tears?

Oli: I have privileged friends who are miserable, and I feel so bad for them. I just want to shake them! There’s nothing more sad than someone who doesn’t appreciate what they have.

You two have become very privileged, and you clearly enjoy the shit out of your lives.

Oli: Yes, honey! We were just sitting with our friend who met us ten years ago, when we were waitressing at a bar. He picked me up when I was a waitress.

He’s cute.

Mir: We’re all reminiscing about how amazing things are now and how much has changed. It’s unbelievable.

The salad days are the best part of coming up. It feels good to look back and think,  “I was such a badass, working night shifts and stealing cash from the register.” What are you looking forward to in 2015?

Oli: Our family! We have a sick mom at the moment so we’re spending a lot of time in Australia with her. We’re bringing it back to our roots. Core values for 2015.

Mir: She’s going to be fine, but she’s going through treatment. It’s hard when you have children and they leave the flock. We left home when we were 18 years old! Then you blink and it’s been ten years.

I’m sure the change of pace will inspire new music. What do you have planned

Mir: Oh, shit, we’ve got to go!! Come with us!

Miriam grabs my arm and we run through the hotel, passing  annoying admiring fans until we reach security guards who grope escort us to the outdoor club. Hundreds? Thousands? Billions of screaming girls in sequin dresses and drunk boys in graphic neon scream NERVO’s names by the turquoise pools. The girls go backstage and I slide into their VIP lounge, where I predict the track names of the upcoming Core Values Album and steal the fruit displayed (a staple of my shipwreck diet).

Words: Tea Hacic-Vlahovic

PROFILE: NERVO

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