Most likely to become a rockstar: 

Tommy Hilfiger

With Sgt. Pepper-inspired capes, and a Hard Rock-approved Jimi Hendrix soundtrack, this season’s Tommy Hilfiger is what rock legends are made of.  Throw in some studded suede, Woodstock-approved patchwork denim, and real-life rockstar cred in the form of Jagger progeny Georgia May, and you’ve got yourself one backstage pass for the Stairway to Heaven.

Cutest couple:

Betsey Johnson

We knew lovable Cody Harris was gay (after all, his nickname was Gay Cody) but Homecoming King Bradley Miller?  We didn’t see that one coming either, but apparently they opened for Betsey Johnson’s ‘Prenup’ show, dressed in black and white, holding a bouquet together.  (Cody wanted the man-sized wedding dress, but Sharon Needles got to wear it.)

Most likely to kill her husband:

Marc Jacobs

She might have been the best at Home Ec, but Marc Jacobs’ girl is destined to go off the deep end.  Circling a windowless Peptol Mismol-colored house – barely distinguishable in a parade of identical black-bobbed housewives – her life after Senior year is Disturbia indeed, complete with drab military uniforms, and a monotonous robot’s voice for company.

Most likely to get arrested: 

Jeremy Scott

Turn down for what?  It won’t be first-degree murder a la Marc Jacobs girl, but the parents of Jeremy Scott’s girl are most likely to get a call one night that their baby is in a holding cell.  Drug possession, driving under the influence, or/and refusal to turn down the music, resulting in an altercation with police.  But hey, at least it was a fun night – and I heard Miley Cyrus showed up.

Most changed since freshman year:

Hood By Air

New-kid Shayne Oliver might have been slacking off at first, but he definitely had a turnaround, graduating from logo-emblazoned everything (tees, jeans, and apronlike sheaths) to pieces straight from the Rick Owens lineup.  Still plenty of denim, braided leather, and room for improvement, but hey – that’s what uni’s for, right?  (Also: Best dog. Best live gospel choir.  Best model in crutches.  And best plexiglas pillories.)

Most out of this world:

Rodarte

She always did like Science, but after she won Homecoming Queen, the Rodarte girl was never the same again.  Still hot, but like, obsessed with outer space.  Thigh-high boots, paneled outerwear- it got a little weird for this teen queen (not to mention, she wore that damn Homecoming dress to tatters).

Most likely to join a convent:

Versus Versace

Just kidding.

Words: Seymour Glass