Kim Kardashian, Cara Delevingne and Madonna’s fashion choices rated on a scale of 0 to 10, with 10 being Johnny Rotten spewing expletives on a loop, forever.
BEST
1. CARA DELEVINGNE
It’s a nice Burberry dress, but you know what’s truly qualifies as punk in this media-obsessed age? Turning up and facing the paparazzi despite having been photographed a few days earlier with a baggie of “mysterious white powder” falling out of your bag. Anyone else would have issued an apology and spinelessly locked themselves in rehab to wait out the media storm. Cara Delevingne, we salute you.
Punk as fuck rating: More punk than Nancy Spungen throwing a chair out of a window at the Chelsea Hotel
2. KIM KARDASHIAN
Let’s say you’re Kim K, pregnant with your first child. For the past few months, people have been ripping it out of you for being too fat – even accusing you of gaining weight to land a diet endorsement deal. What do you do? Hide in Kanye’s mansion and cry into a tub of Ben & Jerry’s? Nope. You wear a bizarre gloved dress from Givenchy to one of the most high-profile social events of the year and you hold your head high. Punk has always been about ignoring the haters, so in this sense, Kim has truly succeeded. (Still not a fan of those gloves, though.)
Punk as fuck rating: More punk than the Sex Pistols squaring up to a disgusted Bill Grundy during a TV interview (and winning)
3. DONATELLA VERSACE
How could we forget Donatella? After all, this is the designer who admitted “my face is not like this naturally“; the businesswoman who was addicted to coke while running the Versace empire; the icon who inspired her own Saturday Night Live impression. You’d be hard pressed to find anyone who defied the naysayers like Donatella did – and all the while looking like the bestest, most gloriously tacky Miami Vice version of a fashion designer ever. Looking ridic while being slyly successful – it’s the punk way.
Punk as fuck rating: More punk than Debbie Harry bleaching her hair in a sink at CBGB’s
4. MILEY CYRUS
Miley: navigating the awkward post-Disney stage of her career by not giving a fuck what anyone thinks. Also one of the best outfits of the night purely because she actually has punk hair, as opposed to that weird sidebraid that people like Miranda Kerr used to give the impression of a shaved head. Come on ladies, show some commitment.
Punk as fuck rating: More punk than early NOFX, pre-Reading Festival headliner days
WORST
1. BEYONCE
Don’t get us wrong, we love Beyoncé. Beyoncé can look fierce. She can look glam. But bless her, Beyonce couldn’t be less punk than if she’d turned up in an H&M kaftan singing an acapella version of Cater 2 U. She’s worn shellac nails that are probably harder than she is. Also, why has every American somehow interpreted red carpet gloves as being ‘punk’?
Punk as fuck rating: About as punk as your little sister’s Black Flag t-shirt from Urban Outfitters
2. MADONNA
There’s paying a sly, subtle homage to a costume theme, and then there’s Madonna.
Punk as fuck rating: About as punk as the matinee performance of Green Day’s stage musical
3. ROONEY MARA
We adore the Givenchy dress, but we always feel as if Rooney Mara has been beamed in from an alternate dimension where Gattaca really happened and all the men only wear Dior Homme AW13. You get the feeling that if a single hair on her head was moved, she’d probably stab someone with a zipper.
Punk as fuck rating: About as punk as Nancy Regan in a Laura Ashley cardigan trying to ban Prince
4. NICOLE RITCHIE
A special Fraggle Rock interpretation of The Snow Queen.
Punk as fuck rating: About as punk as a lounge cover of Guns of Brixton
Words: Zing Tsjeng (Follow Zing on Twitter @misszing)