May 22nd, 2012
Wonderland indulges in a series of unfortunate experiences to test the potency of Nike’s brilliant new 24/7 sports performance monitor.
The latest bit of technical wizardry to come from Nike is the Nike+ Fuel Band, a neat little gizmo that wraps around your wrist and tells you how much activity you are doing on a daily basis, then encourages to improve upon your daily best. Lest it all get a bit too Weight Watchers, the Fuel Band measures your achievements in Fuel Points, a unit that Nike has come up with that allows all activities to be measured equally (of course, so long as they involve waggling your arms a bit). Used in conjunction with your iPhone or iPod touch, the fuelband can show you how you measure up against your friends and contacts, which is also nice, if often humbling.
To test out this intriguing piece of kit, we at Wonderland decided to take it for a spin in some of the seedy locations we honestly hardly ever go to but somehow happened to find ourselves in the past month. What is the most healthy and most fun way to spend your time, apart from just biting the bullet and doing some exercise? See below for the grand reveal, courtesy of the Nike+ Fuel Band.
Test Scenario 1: Karaoke Marathon, Farringdon
If there’s one life-affirming message to come out of the slew of Reality TV talent contests currently jamming up UK airwaves and melting the nation’s brains, it’s that many diamonds in the rough out there. You too, says the television, could have a hidden, yet prodigious musical talent that, with hard work and a positive mental attitude, will enable you to become a megastar and conquer the world. Sweet, isn’t it. But obviously, obviously not true. Which fact is easily proven by a trip to Farringdon’s Karaokebox, undeniably the most brothel-like singalong depot in London. We stumbled around for a while in the darkness (25 fuel points) before happening upon an empty room (they all look like massage parlours, it’s terrifying) and banging out some horrible covers of Spandau Ballet’s “Gold”, Mariah Carey’s “Heartbreaker” and Jennifer Lopez’s “Love Don’t Cost a Thing”, among others. The whole experience can be summed up by two scientific observations. 1. People’s singing ability varies in inverse proportion to how through-and-through talented they think they are. 2. An hour’s bawling in the darkness at Karaoke Box costs about £90 for 18 people and burns 155 Nike+ Fuel points. Which doesn’t really seem like the best deal.
Words: Adam Welch
Test Scenario 2: Vogueing, Shoreditch
Sweaty queens in lycra, fag hags struggling to keep up, house remixes of The Gossip: it could be any night out in Shoreditch. But this time, it’s Saturday afternoon at Vogueing class. Organised as part of the inimitably fabulous Fringe Gay Film Fest, the class allows participants to be schooled in the ways of Willy Ninja et al (a la Paris is Burning), with instruction coming from Nathaniel Thediscokid Parchment. “It’s great for cardio,” Nathaniel says, executing an effortless strut while we try to follow suit. OK, Madonna won’t be calling on Wonderland for her next set of backing dancers, but we still managed to finger-snap our way to 481 Nike+ Fuel Points in an hour-long class.
Words: Zing Tsjeng
Test Scenario 2: Dancing, Soho
Naturally, Wonderland is constantly on the prowl for opportunities to sweat vodka in dark dank places so when friends suggested we come to the Borderline in Soho for some dubious-looking retro indie night we simply thought “oh well, what harm can it do?” A lot, as it turned out. There’s many things we regret about this particular night but one positive outcome was recorded by our Nike+ Fuel Band: spending several hours staggering around to the limp rock cornerstones of yesteryear (remember Hot Hot Heat? Us neither) is apparently a great way to rack up a jaw-slackening 938 fuel points. Kudos to Nike and their now perspiration-coated band for riding out the night, and coming out the other side pretty much unscathed. Unlike Wonderland.
Words: Jack Mills
Going out dancing is definitely, definitely, very good for you and one of the best and healthiest ways you can spend your time. That is if you discount the calorie intake from alcohol, time spent lying in a motionless heap the next day and smattering of light external injuries sustained from falling over, being punched, etc. etc. Here’s hoping these factors are incorporated into the next version of the Nike+ Fuel Band software for iOs. Now there’s a pipe dream for you.
We would not recommend any of the above activities but for anyone looking for a intuitive and accurate way to measure their performance in sports and fitness on a daily basis, the Nike+ Fuel Band is available now alongside other Nike+ products at the Nike Fuelstation at the Box Park, Shoreditch. For more information on the features and capabilites of the Nike+ Fuel Band, go to the Official Nike Website